Dreaming

I’m very glad to report that I’ve been doing much better. The tears are showing up less and less. I haven’t cried in about three weeks.

However, the salty water has been replaced with dreams about Mama. I’m fine with that though. The dreams allow me a chance to hear Mama’s contagious laugh, take a look at her gorgeous smile, and have a quick talk with the woman I respect the most. I hope I never stop dreaming about her.
Although the grief is become less burdensome, I do find that I still think about Mama all the time. There’s very little that I can do in a run of a day that doesn’t somehow link to a memory of my mother. Shopping at Target, drinking lemonade, sitting outside on the porch, watching the Price is Right, picking out a new mattress, and getting dressed for work are just a few examples of the tasks I’ve done that cause me to think of her.

I’ve decided that I absolutely cannot stay at this house. Although I’m dedicated to holding my mother’s memory close to my heart, I do believe that the memory of Mama’s presence in this house is too much for me. I must find me a new home to create new memories. This house contains memories of Mama that are too painful to live in. While she didn’t die here, she did become deathly ill here. I cannot get those last moments here at the house out of my head.

And I’m still having issues with her room. I haven’t been in there to clean anything out since the last time I posted here.

Yeah, I know… I’m going to have to get better with that. All in time, my friends. All in time…

When I leap that hurdle with triumph, I’ll let you guys know.