Progress in the Room

This past week has been tremendously hard for me. I did make some progress though. I was able to get started on Mama’s room. And I only broke down three times, but on separate days.

You know… It’s funny. When I have these breakdowns in her room, it’s when I touch something that seems to lack in sentimental value.

When I touched her adult diapers, a rush of tears overtook me. When I picked up her medicine strip off the dresser, I was assaulted by grief. And when I picked up a package of CrystalLight, I broke down all over again.

Three little packages of CrystalLight were the last gifts someone gave to Mama. I was shook that she never got a chance to enjoy them at home.

I was very glad that I got a chance to get most of her clothes out of the closet. I gathered up her more dressy items and sent them to my aunt, who is around my mom’s size. I figured she would like the dresses to wear to church.

The things I didn’t think were worth keeping, I gave to Goodwill. Sounds crappy, right? Why give something to Goodwill if I don’t want it? Well, I guess because I didn’t want it. I figure what’s my supposed “trash” will be someone’s treasure.

I’m not sure what I’ll do with Mama’s furniture. I’m keeping the television for myself. I’ll see if one of my sisters would like to assume the payments for the bedroom set. The company that provided my mom the hospital bed and wheelchair will be out this week to pick up their items. And I plan on giving the other durable medical equipment to Goodwill. The other items, such as her collectable items, will be split amongst us daughters.

I miss Mama so much. I sat upstairs and cried tonight for about fifteen minutes. I couldn’t get myself together. Again, I miss her. I wish so badly I could put this thing in reverse. No daughter should have to live without her mother.

I wish Mama wasn’t so ready to get out of here. I wish she had just let us give her the blood transfusion. I wish she was downstairs in her room, watching her television on the highest volume setting the device would allow.

But there’s nothing I can do. She’s gone. Her room is filled with things, yet it is so empty.

So, I will continue to clean up her things, sort through the artifacts, and issue them out according to my sisters’ reasonable requests.

Pray for me. I’m heart broken.